Why do I shrink around important people?
It happens fast. Someone with a bigger title walks in, or an old friend mentions how well things are going. The voice goes up a little. The jokes get politer. Later, alone, it is hard to say who asked for any of it.
Usually nobody did. Anton Chekhov wrote a three-page story about exactly that. It is called "Fat and Thin".
Two old friends
Two school friends meet at a Petersburg railway station. They kiss three times. The thin one chatters about his wife, his son, the wooden cigarette cases he carves on the side. They call each other "dear boy".
Then the fat one mentions his rank. He is a privy councillor, two grades from the top. The thin man goes pale. A moment later he is smiling with his whole face, and his body folds up. Even his luggage seems to shrink.
The bow nobody wanted
What makes the story strange is the fat man's reaction. He does not enjoy the bow. He frowns and says so:
"You and I were friends as boys, and there is no need of this official obsequiousness!"
— Anton Chekhov, "Fat and Thin", tr. Constance Garnett
The thin man bows lower. The fat man is sickened, shakes hands and turns away. Nobody above demanded the shrinking. The thin man produced it himself.
Who enjoys it
Then comes the last line. The thin man presses three fingers of the offered hand, his wife smiles, the son drops his cap:
"All three were agreeably overwhelmed."
— Anton Chekhov, "Fat and Thin", tr. Constance Garnett
Not frightened, not humiliated. Agreeably. Whatever the family got out of that minute, they liked it. Chekhov does not say what it was.
Being a different person in different rooms is about roles, and it has its own page. Here the person stays the same and only gets smaller.
What the story leaves
Chekhov does not judge the thin man and offers no cure. He leaves a question for anyone who recognises the folding: what do I expect in return when I make myself smaller in front of someone?
Epimelea is an app built around the existential school. The conversation carries over from one meeting to the next. The archive is encrypted on the device and belongs to the person who wrote it.
About the app: an AI therapist for long-term therapy
This page is about a school of psychotherapy. It is not medical advice and not emergency help. If you are in danger right now, contact your local emergency number, or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.