Why do I only know what I think when I say it?
A decision, a vague unease, or a feeling about another person circles in your head for days. Then you mention it to a friend. Halfway through the sentence, you hear yourself say what you actually think. The realization surprises you. The thought was there, but you had not known it.
The second fruit
In his essay “Of Friendship”, Francis Bacon describes three gifts a friend provides. The first addresses feelings. The second is for understanding. He argues that a mind crowded with thoughts clears when speaking to another:
“he tosseth his thoughts more easily; he marshalleth them more orderly, he seeth how they look when they are turned into words”
— Francis Bacon, Essays, “Of Friendship”
Bacon does not claim the thoughts improve. He says the person finally sees how they look. Before the words were spoken, there was nothing to see.
Rolled up in packs
Bacon uses an image from Themistocles to explain this. He compares speech to a tapestry being opened and spread out so the images become visible. In the mind, these images remain folded “in packs”. A rolled carpet retains its pattern, but the owner cannot see that pattern until it is unrolled.
The phrase “I don’t know what I think” might be slightly inaccurate. The thought exists. It simply lacks the act of unrolling, and that act requires a listener, though Bacon adds a condition: the listener does not have to be wise.
A stone that does not cut
Even without wise counsel, a person can still learn from themselves. Bacon describes this as “whetteth his wits as against a stone, which itself cuts not”. The stone does not need to be sharp. It only needs to exist so the blade has something to press against.
The listener does not need to provide answers. Often, “I can’t think clearly” means you have not yet said the thought to anyone.
What thought are you carrying rolled up because there is no one to unroll it for?
Epimelea is an app built around the existential school. The conversation carries over from one meeting to the next. The archive is encrypted on the device and belongs to the person who wrote it.
About the app: an AI therapist for long-term therapy
This page is about a school of psychotherapy. It is not medical advice and not emergency help. If you are in danger right now, contact your local emergency number, or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.