Why do I want things only because other people want them?
A colleague mentions a small town on the coast. A week later, that town appears in a friend’s feed and then in a newsletter. By the end of the month, it feels like a place you have always wanted to visit, though you did not know its name before that first conversation.
Contagion
Benedict de Spinoza describes this mechanism in Part III of the Ethics, where he applies the logic of geometry to human emotion:
“From the mere fact of conceiving that anyone loves anything we shall ourselves love that thing”
— Benedict de Spinoza, Ethics, Part III, Proposition XXXI, Proof (tr. R. H. M. Elwes)
This is distinct from envy. It does not require a desire to possess more than another person; it only requires seeing that someone else loves a thing. Spinoza notes that people tend to copy the actions of others and want to do so at once.
The origin of the wish
A borrowed desire exerts the same pull as an original one, and the difference only becomes apparent when you trace the wish back to its source. René Girard later developed a full theory around this concept, but the observation began with Spinoza.
This differs from wanting something because it is off-limits, which is discussed here. The attraction follows another person’s gaze.
Tracing it back
Spinoza does not categorize which desires are worth keeping. Through whose eyes did you first see the thing you now want?
Epimelea is an app built around the existential school. The conversation carries over from one meeting to the next. The archive is encrypted on the device and belongs to the person who wrote it.
About the app: an AI therapist for long-term therapy
This page is about a school of psychotherapy. It is not medical advice and not emergency help. If you are in danger right now, contact your local emergency number, or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.