Why have I become so boring?
Halfway through a conversation you hear yourself telling the same stories, making the same complaints. The curiosity is gone. You didn't notice it leave.
A doctor in a provincial town
Anton Chekhov wrote about a man who sees this in himself and says it out loud. Dmitri Startsev comes to the town of Dyalizh as a young district doctor. He falls in love and is turned down. Four years later the woman comes back. Sitting with her in the garden, he feels a flicker of warmth and says:
"We grow old, we grow stout, we grow slack. Day after day passes; life slips by without colour, without expressions, without thoughts...."
— Anton Chekhov, "Ionitch", chapter IV, The Lady with the Dog and Other Stories, translated by Constance Garnett
It's his own diagnosis, and it's accurate.
Seeing it changes nothing
When she praises his work at the hospital, he thinks of the banknotes he counts every evening "with such pleasure," and the warmth is gone. He goes home.
Startsev doesn't fall apart all at once. Cards at the club, fees counted at night, the same small choices every evening. In the last chapter, this is how the town sees him:
"He is solitary. He leads a dreary life; nothing interests him."
— Anton Chekhov, "Ionitch", chapter V, translated by Constance Garnett
Talking about a different life without taking a step toward it has its own page: why do I talk about plans and never act.
What the story leaves
Chekhov doesn't explain how Startsev got here or how he might get back. He only shows that noticing is not the same as leaving. The question left: what do I pay each evening so that nothing changes?
Epimelea is an app built around the existential school. The conversation carries over from one meeting to the next. The archive is encrypted on the device and belongs to the person who wrote it.
About the app: an AI therapist for long-term therapy
This page is about a school of psychotherapy. It is not medical advice and not emergency help. If you are in danger right now, contact your local emergency number, or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.