Why am I embarrassed of where I come from?
Shame about where you come from feels like something you noticed on your own: the accent, the size of the apartment, the way a parent acts at dinner with guests. Often, though, someone taught it to you. Sometimes you can even name the moment the lesson began.
Charles Dickens shows that moment in Great Expectations.
A game of cards
In chapter VIII, Pip, a blacksmith's apprentice, is brought to Miss Havisham's house to play cards. Estella, the girl he plays with, looks him over:
"And what coarse hands he has! And what thick boots!"
— Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, chapter VIII
Later, alone, Pip thinks:
"I had never thought of being ashamed of my hands before"
Until that evening his hands were just hands. The shame came ready-made, in someone else's voice. He took that voice home and began to see the forge, the kitchen and Joe through Estella's eyes.
Years later, when Joe visits him in London, Pip is embarrassed by him. The lesson held.
Feeling small around important people is a different subject, with its own page. This one is about the place you come from.
What the novel leaves
Dickens doesn't tell Pip to be proud of his roots. He shows how the shame was learned. The question that remains: who taught me to be ashamed of where I come from?
Epimelea is an app built around the existential school. The conversation carries over from one meeting to the next. The archive is encrypted on the device and belongs to the person who wrote it.
About the app: an AI therapist for long-term therapy
This page is about a school of psychotherapy. It is not medical advice and not emergency help. If you are in danger right now, contact your local emergency number, or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.