Why do I value other people’s opinion of me more than my own?
You finish a project and know the work is solid, having stayed late to verify every figure and ensure the logic holds. Your manager reads it and stays silent. By evening, the quality of that work seems to have dropped, though not a single word has changed.
A contradiction in the notebook
Marcus Aurelius wrote his notes for himself, not for an audience. In his twelfth book, he records a puzzle:
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Thoughts, Book XII, 4 (tr. George Long)
He describes this as strange. A person loves themselves above all others, yet trusts their own judgment of themselves least of all.
An unconfirmed verdict
An opinion about the world can be tested against the world, while an opinion about oneself has only other people for a benchmark. The internal verdict waits for confirmation.
Having no opinions of one’s own is the subject of another page, and the wish for recognition is covered here. This page focuses on the verdict on oneself.
Waiting for someone else
Marcus leaves this puzzle open. Which opinions about yourself do you not dare to call true until someone else says them?
Epimelea is an app built around the existential school. The conversation carries over from one meeting to the next. The archive is encrypted on the device and belongs to the person who wrote it.
About the app: an AI therapist for long-term therapy
This page is about a school of psychotherapy. It is not medical advice and not emergency help. If you are in danger right now, contact your local emergency number, or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.